This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
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i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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