bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
