mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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