So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
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My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize