I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
