Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize