wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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