tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize