it was like eating out sand paper
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
