i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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