im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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