I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
