Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize