return my video game
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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