I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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