As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
