A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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