I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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