Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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