I can text with my tongue
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
