vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
