that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
