I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
