I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
