Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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