Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
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