I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
