just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
