There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
