I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
