I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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