I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
