Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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