forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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