Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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