How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
