Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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