I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
