I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
