nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
