I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
