Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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