I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
