AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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