Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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