she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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