Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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