I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
