she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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