If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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