I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
