I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
