My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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