I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
