I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
