I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
