Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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