Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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