So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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