i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I did not marry a roomba.
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