cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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