how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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