I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
