I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
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there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
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Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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