The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
