All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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