Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
