no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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