WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Randomize
